Caution…Healing in Progress

Healing is one hell of a mess! I wish people talked more about this topic. Once you decide to start the journey of healing your trauma, a lot of things actually get worse. That’s right folks, you heard right, WORSE.

No one likes hearing that. Because it’s discouraging, because its daunting, and mostly because if you are traumatized chances are your life probably already isn’t going well. So choosing the thing that’s important but will make your already difficult life more of a mess is well…terrifying.

Healing is dynamic, or so my therapist says :p For me it’s been up and down. At the beginning it was mostly just bad. Lots of break downs and feelings and thoughts that I couldn’t make sense of. I’ve been here for a while though so now it’s mixed. I feel uncomfortable often but I am able to identify that uncomfortability as stepping outside my box. That it looks like growth. I’m attempting to get my brain to see things that have been unsafe as safe so of course that’s going to feel well, yucky.

On a more positive note, recognizing my progress has been a kind of joy that I’ve never experieced until the past few years. My biggest confirmation of forward motion is when I think about my child self. She would be so proud of who I am. Of the exploration and returning to self that I’ve done. Having your own stamp of approval feels amazing.

I guess my hope for this post is to encourage people to keep going. Healing is not for the faint of heart but it’s worth it. I see potential for my life that I never have before. Heck, I didn’t even think I would make it this far into adulthood. But here I am, not only helping myself but helping others. Living authentically, decorated with love and belonging. There is hope for you dear friends. It may not feel like it but I pinky promise there is. Give yourself a chance. You just might suprise yourself.