The Escape Artist

So, I was planning on writing a blog post about escapism. Unfortunately, I got lost in the great abyss of WordPress editing my blog for three hours instead of writing the actual post. Obsessing over themes, making sure I pick the “perfect” one. I chucked the actual writing right to the side. Apparently, I should earn the Maximum Avoidance trophy. Such is the life a human with ADHD.

Ah well, at least my blog will be snazzy now. It’s funny how things work out that way. You set out on one mission and end up on a completely different one. So as you can see, an ADHD habit I have is dodging or putting off tasks by doing other tasks instead. It can be so easy to get engulfed in those tasks and then forget about my original goal. Tantalized by all the things that are not on my to do list. It’s not all bad, sometimes it can be a beautiful detour. Other times it can be a barrier to my own progress. That’s when I have to check in with myself. Questioning if I’m where I want to be. Wondering how I let myself fall down this distraction hole again.

That’s when I remind myself that all I can do now is to try again. Try and do better and push myself harder. When you strip away excuses and focus in on your priorities it’s amazing what you can accomplish. I recently started exercising every day. To be honest, it was something I had made a lot of excuses for. I could come up with all sorts of reasons why it wouldn’t work. This is a perfect example of getting in my own way. Trying to avoid instead of embracing. Spending energy and time on running away from doing things. If I had just put all that energy into trying instead of avoiding, things would be so different.

I get in my own way more often than not. I get lost in things that aren’t even important to me. I lose sight of the things that bring me fulfillment and joy. As someone with ADHD, am perpetually battering off distractions and attempting to refocus. Lining up my goals in front of me, reminding myself what I actually care about.

My avoidance is a part of me. Another way I have avoided is through escapism. Being a master of escapism helped me develop a fairly vivid imagination and lots of ingenuity. I’m a sensitive person and life can be pretty painful at times. It was hard for me to be present because existing was loud and confusing. When I was growing up I escaped through books. Picturing myself in the fantasy lands of my favorite characters.

I’m learning that it’s important to exist though. To be wherever you are and not avoid life. It can be a challenge and sometimes I’m not up to the task. I’ll tell you what though, when you are truly present you can experience so much fulfillment. Laughter feels a little louder now. I feel seen by the people around me. I don’t see the need to exist somewhere else. This life can be a mess but it’s all we have. So I intend on being here and doing the best with what I have.

–WhimsyCat